Polish Lasagne

I subscribe to a few recipe websites, and one of them emails me a random recipe every day.  A few months ago, one of the recipes was for Polish Lasagne. It looked really good - unusual, but I could see it working.  The dish has lasagne noodles, and it's layered like traditional lasagne, but it's made with a mashed potato / cream cheese mixture, and then topped with sauteed onions. The original recipe called for potato flakes, which I wouldn't be caught dead with, so I had to start messing with the recipe from the get-go.  I wanted to make mashed potatoes from scratch, but AFTER I started peeling the potatoes, I realized I was out of milk, so I texted the boy and asked if he would bring some over. Then I realized I didn't have enough butter, either, so I texted him again.  Then I changed my mind, and told him to cancel the butter, I'd make do without.  I was going to use polish sausage, and it had enough fat in it that I thought the butter would be fat overkill.  I boiled the potatoes, and started sauteeing the onion and sliced polish sausage in another pan. Then I started boiling the lasagne noodles.  Already, I'm thinking this is going to be a LOT of dishes for one stupid casserole, this better be good.  I added garlic to the onion and sausage, drained the potatoes, and added the bit of butter that I had on hand to the potatoes. Then I threw in the cream cheese, and let it sit while I waited for the milkman, eh, the boy to bring the milk so I could mash the potatoes.  Meanwhile, I finished sewing the cuffs onto the new jammies for the little foster, who is freezing his skinny bald butt off in the cooler weather.  When the milk arrived, I mashed the potatoes, added the milk, and taste tested...  it was good, but a little gluey. I have no idea why, it probably had something to do with wandering off and making the stupid jammies.  I added a bit more milk, and let them sit while I drained the lasagne noodles.  I had prepped a smaller casserole pan, using a raw noodle to guess on size.  Like a complete non-cook, I didn't take into account that NOODLES GROW WHEN THEY ARE COOKED IN WATER.  So I had to let the noodles sit for another minute while I got a bigger pan, and coated it with a bit of olive oil. You know, to keep those damn noodles from sticking.  I picked up the first noodle, and then immediately dropped it, those suckers are HOT when they come out of the pan. I finally wrangled it into the pan, and congratulated myself on finally getting the right pan size. I get the second noodle in the pan, and that's when I realize a well known physics fact:  cooked lasagne noodles stick together like GLUE when they are not individual oiled.  I was getting really irritated by the third damn noodle. Not only are they hotter than hell, they are gluey and uncooperative, and I'm only on the first layer.  I try to let my irritation go, and I move on to the second layer, the potatoes.  Wow. If I thought they were gluey before, the 20 minutes of screwing around with the jammies and the too small casserole pan did NOT help. When I dumped a scoop of potatoes on the noodles, it all adhered together. There WAS no such thing as gently smoothing out the layer of potato, I had to brandish a stool and a whip to get it to cooperate.  Finally, I get the second layer done. I continue the battle with another layer of noodles, another layer of potato (this time I get smart and strategically dot on the potatoes in the place where they need to be) and the last layer of noodles.  If I thought the first layer was challenging, the last layer was downright painful. Maybe 5 minutes have elasped since the beginning of the layering process, and while the noodles are still hot, they are also sticking to themselves, the pan, and the skinny little dog.  When I finally get them into the casserole, they stick to the potato, and there is NO moving them. I give up. I throw the sausage and onion on top, hoping to cover the messy top layer and the ripped noodles.  It looks like it is missing something, so I grate white sharp cheddar cheese on top, and throw the beast in the oven to heat.  By now, I am so irritated with the damn casserole I want to throw it out the window instead of eating it. I made a caesar salad to go along with the casserole, and I was really glad that I did once I hefted the full casserole dish - that polish lasagne must have weighed a good 15 lbs.  The salad was going to be necessary to make sure we didn't sink into a food coma after ingesting it.

When I get the dinner on the table, the boy looked at it, and said, "What IS it?"  A fair question, to be sure. I told him what it was, and how I made it.  He tasted a bite, and said it was really unusual.  "Is that good or bad?" I asked him.  He assured me it was good, and took another bite.  "It's kind of heavy."  He kept eating, though, in spite of the fact that the potatoes had heated to about 800 degrees in the oven, and the lasagne was so dense there was no cooling it down. Finally, he said, "I can see why Eastern European people are so stocky."   : )

So, I don't know if I will make it again. It was good, but not exciting.  Maybe with a little tweaking.  But the thought of battling the noodles and potatoes again, ugh... : )