A sign

It's been so hard this week without Sydney Sue.  The house just seems so empty without her. She was my rock, my constant, my unflappable girl.  When we woke up Tuesday morning, Stewart and Shae padded around, looking lost and sad.  We went outside to potty, we made coffee. It was so quiet.  I finally fed them breakfast, having had put it off so that I didn't have to deal with the reality of only filling 3 bowls.  I left Sydney's food bowl where it always has been, a silent sentinel in her memory.  I didn't go to work that day. I went to Cindy's cabin, we had lunch, we saw the sites, we loaded a futon in my car to replace the couch I had to remove after it didn't survive being peed on.  All the while, the pain of missing Sydney Sue weighed on my heart.  I came home, fed the kids, getting more used to there being less dogs in the house.  That night, Stewart refused, for the second night, to come to bed with me.  He stayed instead on his new futon. I slept fitfully, still listening for sounds of Sydney Sue moving about, needing to go out, needing water or a hug.  Today, we settled more into the new routine. I fed them breakfast, pottied them, and went to run errands.  Needing to be out and be busy, I did what I do best when I'm sad, I went shopping for cooking stuff. Sadly, even the cookbooks couldn't hold my attention. I came out of the store empty handed.  I knew I had to break out of the funk, and I knew food was the key, so I hit my favorite Armenian store. I shopped.  On a roll, I hit Trader Joes. On the way home, I hit Vons.  I came home, unpacked my finds, cleaned up my kitchen.  Stewart and Shae started pestering me for dinner, so I gathered their dishes.  I was getting ready to pour the dog food into one of the bowls when I heard chattering behind me. Turning, I saw Shae looking at me, her lower jaw opening and closing so quickly I could her here teeth clicking.  In the greyhound world, it's called chattering.  Shae is not a chatterer. In fact, I cannot recall ever having seen her do it. Sydney Sue was my chatterer, she did it for every meal, every cookie, every squirrel, and for a lot of other reasons. Standing in my kitchen watching Shae take up the position of chatterer filled my heart with so many emotions.  I couldn't decide if I was so sad because I missed my baby girl, or if I was happy that my Shae was being so happy, or if I was just shocked at this new turn of events. I hugged Shae, and her bottom jaw continued to click click click.  I don't know if it's a sign that Sydney Sue has sent, but if it is, then she is okay with how everything went, and that makes my heart hurt a little less.  After I sent them out to potty, I picked up Sydney Sue's bowl, and put it away.  I started to make dinner, and heard Shae growling at Stewart - she was on the futon, hogging it, and he wanted up. She was telling him "no way, Jose!".  We are going to be okay, we are going to get beyond the hurt and the pain and sorrow.  One day at a time.